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COPA NEWS |
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Make Uzbekistan Large... ?
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 Bernd W. sitting in Charoshi Phiki Bar at 3 o clock afternoon having breakfast. He reading newspaper and shaking his head: "Typical Uzbeki president and his Mafia: these guys not understand nothing. "Make Uzbekistan Great Again" mean make football great - make football better. Make stadium nicer. Make people come to stadium. Make football sport for whole Uzbekistan people...
But what make this ugly clown of president who look like a slim version of Pepeke Khan: increasing number of teams in league fram 10 to 14. Ridiculous! This guys make Uzbekistan large, but not great: |
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MULA instead of MUGA. L A R G E... like beer belly of president and his comrades. This Usbeki Football Association is big joke with mafia structure inside.
Now all teams will come back from former times with Apparatschik system: Traktor, Torpedo, ZSKA... And in Apparat who not good in football, must play chess. Bernd W. now feel sorrow for his trainer-friend from Pakthator who may be sent back to play game of kings...
Bernd very much worried about future. But he must stay optimistic: Bernd W. finish breakfast and order lunch: "Two Vodka-Red Bull - with only little Red Bull please!" |
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17.07.2026 11:26 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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Nächster Karriereschritt des FIFA-Präsidenten? Lehrling in der Professional Futbol Ligasi!
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Unbestätigten Gerüchten zufolge soll ein grosser Name in die Profesional Futbol Ligasi wechseln: Für den FIFA-Präsidenten steht der nächste grosse Karriereschritt an: angeblich soll er als Lehrling (Azubi) ins Sekretariat des Präsidenten der usbekischen Futbol Ligasi wechseln.
Nach der FIFA-Präsidentschaft wäre das wohl die nächste Sprosse auf der Karriereleiter nach oben.
Der Präsident der Futbol Ligasi gibt sich, dazu befragt, etwas kryptisch: "Ich will nichts bestätigen noch dementieren. Fakt ist aber, dass es eine |
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grosse Herausforderung wäre für ihn. Er muss noch viel lernen, wie man einen Fussballbetrieb leitet - das hat man in den letzten Tagen gesehen: Man kann nicht durch ein simples Telefonat eine rote Karte revidieren. Abgesehen davon: wen interessiert eine rote Karte HA HA HA ?
In der Profesional Futbol Ligasi könnte er wirklich Leader-Ship lernen. Nur hier kann man lernen, wie eine Liga richtig zu funktionieren hat.
Ich würde mich freuen, falls er die Herausforderung annimmt. Wir hätten auch schon einen Schreibtisch in der Charoshi Phiki Bar für ihn reserviert." |
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08.07.2026 12:02 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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Serious Analysis of Performance of Bunyodkor F.C.
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Bernd W. is prafessor of football like German trainer of England Thomas Tuchel.
Bernd W. not only can read game on green field. Bernd W. also does many analysis of football with complicated statistical mathematic and quantum computer supported tools. He expert in pocket calculator and Excel table.
Now, Bernd W. analyse table of Professional Futbal Ligasi. He using all his mathematical skill and experience of many years working in football.
He taking all data from league table, home table, guest table. He inserting data in neuronal |
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network simulation. He using Monte-Carlo-method from nuclear physics. He using complicated predictive analysis from aerospace technology.
(Note: He not using Artificial Intelligence as he think AI is too early stage and AI not well enough tested for analysis of serious stuff like CopaMundial and Professional Futbol Ligasi).
After many hour of computing finally computer give result to Bernd:
Bunyodkor will not win championship of Prafessional Futbol Ligasi this year.
Bernd W. speechless. This very surprising for him.
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01.07.2026 14:46 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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👏 1 |
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USA? This must be fake WM?
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Bernd raging about fake world cup. They say Uzbekistan loose 0:5 against Portugal. They say Uzbekistan loose against Colombia ! They say Uzbekistan play in United States. They say Uzbekistan play in Mexico. They say Uzbekistan play in Canada.
Bernd says you cannot believe any more what you reading in Internet. This big conspiracy with huge machinery producing fake news.
Bernd knows that real world cup take place in Copa. Bernd knows that real world cup take place in Marocco. Bernd knows Uzbekistan proceed to KO-phase in real World Cup and will beat up the arse of World Cup Host Marocco. This typical Uzbek hospitality when being guest in foreign country: Get drunk, laugh loud, and shit on table !
Make Uzbekistan Great Again !
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24.06.2026 14:34 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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Bernd W. überfordert
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Bernd W. not know what's on any more. There is Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi, there is Copa WM, there is fake-football WM in United States, country which call football like socks. Bernd W. not know where to put attention. Put attention on Copa WM and support lousy trainers from Serbia, or better support Oily Thorsten with UAE money and his buddy with Latin name and additional Latinification. Or stay up middle of night watching games like completely un-interesting like England against Croatia? Bernd is what is called in German language ÜBERFORDERT with too many football.
What he can do? Give a shit about to many unnecessary footbal event, and focus on only important football leage: UZBEKISTAN FUTBOL LIGASI ! |
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19.06.2026 12:36 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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MUGA – Make Uzbekistan Great Again !
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Bernd W. read carefully Uzbekistan Newspaper. Bernd find statement from Uzbekistan-chief trainer calling out for support at Copa-WM!
At first moment, Bernd puzzled: Who is this guy? Is it not “Oily Thorsten with UAE money”? Or is it trainer with Latin name and additional Latinification?
Bernd thought Oily Thorsten with UAE money must be trainer of Buxoro? And what happen in Namangan? Will be many NMR from there now, because trainer is gone to Copa-WM ...?
Bernd not understand trainer job carousel in Uzbekistan. Must all have good connection to president of Futbol |
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Ligasi…
But Bernd understand call from chief-trainers. Bernd will follow them call of-coursely! Bernd will immediately visit Charoshi-Phiki-bar. Bernd will invite Miss Oksana and Miss Elvijra for 64 Vodka-Redbull (just to be clear: 64 Vodka-Redbull each!). Bernd will watch all Copa-WM games together with Miss Oksana and Miss Elvijra. And Bernd call out to all other trainers from Uzbekistan: Come, drink and watch games in Charoshi Phiki Bar! This best way for securing jobs of Oksana and Elvijra and make Uzbekistan win World Cup !
We will Make Uzbekistan Great Again!
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11.06.2026 11:44 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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❤️ 1 |
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Präsidentenfrühstück
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Charoshi Phiki Bar, 11 Uhr morgens,
Frühstücksbuffet (Vodka, Red Bull, Kakao, Butterbrot)
Präsident von Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi :
„Du musst W. feuern! Nicht nur dass er sich in der Öffentlichkeit permanent zum Idioten macht, nun hat er auch den ZAT verpennt! Ich will DISZIPLIN in der Liga ! NMR geht gar nicht, verstanden!
Wo ist der hirnverbrannte Vollkoffer überhaupt?“
Präsident von Bunyodkor FC:
„Er hatte sich mit 200,000 S’om abgesetzt und wollte ein neues Leben beginnen. Als er bemerkt hat, dass das Geld dafür nicht reicht, war es gerade 5 Min. nach 7 am letzten Freitag.“
Präsident von Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi :
„Oh Mann, der Typ gehört echt eingeliefert...
Er hat mich am Anfang der Saison angerufen, weil er wieder Trainer von Lok werden wollte…“
Präsident von Bunyodkor FC:
„NIEMALS! – wir brauchen ihn bei Bunyodkor ! Die Spieler und die Fans lieben ihn!
Aber ich dachte das wart ihr, die ihm den Drohbrief und das Geld vor die Tür gelegt haben?“
Präsident von Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi :
„Drohbrief? Geld? HAHAHA ! Dazu brauchen wir kein Geld oder Briefe HA HA HA. Wenn wir wollen, ist W. morgen weg aus Uzbekistan oder er ist Trainer von Lokomotiv...“
Präsident von Bunyodkor FC:
„Und habt ihr ihm nicht deinen Doppelgänger in die Bar geschickt, um das Spiel gegen Dinamo zu verkaufen?"
Präsident von Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi :
„Dinamo was HA HA HA? Solange ich hier was zu sagen habe, werden diese räudigen |
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Seidenstrassen-Kater aus Samarkand nicht mal die Goldene Banane gewinnen…“
Präsident von Bunyodkor FC:
„Apropos Bananen…“
Präsident von Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi :
„Psssst…- ich will nichts davon hören. Erzähl mir lieber was von diesem Weissen Röss’l... „
Präsident von Bunyodkor FC:
„Wer? meinst du diese Katastrophe äh Apostrophe aus... “
Präsident von Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi :
„Nein, das weisse Rössl vom…“
Präsident von Bunyodkor FC:
„Achso DER – den kenn ihn nicht. Er war noch nie in der Charoshi-Phiki-Bar. Angeblich ist er Antialkoholiker, also sehr seltsamer Typ. Wie der nach Uzbekistan und dann noch an die Tabellenspitze kommt, ist mir ein Rätsel. Denke, er hat auch Dreck am Stecken…“
Präsident von Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi :
„Finde mehr über ihn raus. Wenn du das für mich erledigst, dann kann W. von mir aus bei Bunyodkor bleiben…“
Präsident von Bunyodkor FC:
„Ok, kein Problem ich werde am nächsten ZAT einfach alle zur Bunyodkor-After-Match-Party einladen. Da lockern sich die Zungen hehehe “
Präsident von Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi :
„Was soll das bringen – da bist doch du selbst immer der Besoffenste.
Egal. Auf jeden Fall pass auf, dass W. nicht noch mehr Bullshit produziert, und den ZAT nicht wieder verscheißt. Wir haben einen Ruf zu verteidigen. Uzbekistan muss die NUMMER EINS IN ASIEN werden – nicht nur bei Sex und Drugs – auch bei Futbol ! “
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03.06.2026 15:39 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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🏆 1 |
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Bernd W. leaving Tashkent?
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Bernd W. seriously thinking for leaving Tashkent.
Why? Because he rich man now.
Why? Few days ago he coming home after nice chatting all night with Miss Oksana and Miss Elvijra. 5 o clock in the morning Bernd not find his door key. But he find strange bag in front of door. Bernd open bag and find 1 Kilogram of paper money and message.
Message says: "Fuck off you idiot!"
Bernd count money: 200,000 S'om! |
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This Lotto-Six ! YESSSS !
Bernd happy about good money. Thinking somebody must be good friend of him.
He thinking world is good to me - he thinking to take good advice to fuck off.
He can start new life with 200,000 S'om some where nicer place but Tashkent.
Maybe Samarkand. Maybe Muborak. Maybe Baden-Württemberg.
Baden-Württemberg sexy land.
Only one thing puzzling Bernd: Why money smell like bananas?
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22.05.2026 14:52 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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Is this Futbol Ligasi or is this Mafia or what?
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Bernd desparate about Uzbekistan Futbol Ligasi.
Lot of funny things ongoing here:
Fat man with ugly face and sunglasses pretend he Direktar of Futbol Ligasi. Bernd think this guy was Pepeke. Soon after Pepeke disappear.
Then, Bernd register at Futbol Ligasi be driver of Lakamativ. But Mr. Banana driver of Lakamativ. Mr. Banana no idea about trains or Lakamativ. So he must have many connection in Futbol Ligasi. People say one day Mr. Banana fly into Tashkent with big ballon from South |
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America. He dodgy businessman selling banana with strange white powder inside. Bernd try only one time...
Other guy in futbol Ligasi want be serial champion and change name of club. Futbol Ligasi say no problem. Miss Oksana and Miss Elvijra from Charoshi Phiki know this guy very well. They call this guy “Oily Thorsten with UAE money”.
Bernd W. do not want play this dirty tricks. He honest man. Bunyodkor small but honest team. This very sexy. Also women from Tashkent say so.
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15.05.2026 10:30 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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Bernd meet Direktar of Professional Futbol Ligasi
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Bernd W., Sport Direktar of sexy football team Bunyodkor, sit at "Charoshi Phiki Bar" after last ZAT victary. Bernd drink 41 Vodka-RedbullShit with best friends Miss Oksana and Miss Elvijra...
Suddenly Direktar of Professional Futbol Ligasi visit table of Bernd: Dark sunglass, big beer belly, ugly ugly face ... he very dangerous man.
Direktar says he happy Bernd stay at Uzbekistan. Bernd very nervous. Bernd drink another Vodka Redbullshit.
Direktar pramis to Bernd he can be driver of Lakamativ Tashkent one day. Bernd drink another Vodka Redbullshit.
Direktar pramis Bernd Uzbeki Ligasi Tschampion one day. Bernd drink another Vodka |
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Redbullshit.
Direktar says Bernd only must do little favour for Futbol Ligasi: Bernd need let win Dinamo next ZAT.
Bernd drink another Vodka Redbullshit. Bernd raging inside but very afraid.
Then, Bernd look at dark sunglasses of Direktar and - he suddenly see: this guy not is Direktar of Futbol Ligasi! This guy with dark sunglasses, ugly ugly face and big beer belly is bloody fucking PEPEKE KHAN! Fuck me !
10 years Copa break make Pepeke look 20 year older ! Bernd drink 23 more VodkaRedbullshit with old calleague Pepeke and pramis Pepeke: Cha cha cha, nice try, old bastard, but I pramis Bunyodkor will kick ass of Dinamo like in old times.
Sastarovje ! |
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27.04.2026 16:06 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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Wattefack is Bunyodkor ?
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This Great News from Uzbekistan: Bernd W. non succesfull trainer from Lakamativ return to Uzbekistan.
Bernd ready to be Lakamativ-driver again. But Direktar of Professional Futbol Ligasi tell Bernd he cannot be at Lakamativ. Bernd be Trainer chef for Bunyodkor.
This big surprise for Bernd. Bunyodkor? Never heard of her...
Bernd want to leave Uzbekistan immediately. Bunyodkor nobody team. Not good enough for Bernd. |
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Bernd about to fuck off from Tashkent and say good bye forever.
But then Bernd meet old friends Oksana and Elvijra in "Xarascho-Phiki" Bar and drink 34 Vodka-RedBullshit. Oksana and Elvira convince Bernd stay in Tashkent. Stay with Bunyodkor. Bunyodkor small but sexy team.
Bernd think 2 minute.
Bernd agree.
Bernd stay in Tashkent. Bernd stay at Bunyodkor. Bunyodkor sexy team. Bernd sexy Sport Direktar.
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24.04.2026 15:04 -
Bernd W. -
FC Bunyodkor
(0.3 TK)
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150 character
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 150 character is what need bernd w for chaving 0.1 goal contingency for making 2 6:6 games in last round of championship. this championshiop is very strange championship with always same team winning. Bernd very suspicious about connection between Prafessional Futbol Ligasi and Gúzor. Maybe is because president from Ligasi is born in town of Guzor? Bernd will make detective next season for investigation... |
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21.07.2012 11:24 -
Bernd W. -
Lokomotiv Tashkent
(0.2 TK)
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eingipst
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W. im hospitalski novi beograd stop Recht hand kaputt stop W. sagt is von zugabgabe ynd zeitungartikel schreiben stop fuer nexte 10 tage rechte hand eingeschraenkt nutzbar stop fenris bitte melden: fisten auch mit gips moeglich stop smaetphoneartikelscgreiben mit gips allerdings scheisse stop...homma scho fuenfhundert zeichen fragezeichen stop oida stop |
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25.05.2012 10:14 -
Bernd W. -
Lokomotiv Tashkent
(0.2 TK)
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Lakamativ-Power
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Bernd W. facing Derby with Pakthator. Pakthtator 2nd place. Lakamativ 3rd place. Bernd says: "This ultimate game for us in this ZAT". Tashkent Derby with Traktor and Pakhtator most important game with most spektators in stadium. I promise to all fans from Lakamativ: Lakamativ will fight like express-train on superfast rails. All fast train you know, TGV, Shinkansen, ICE,...they will all look like slow bullshit-train |
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against Lakamativ Tashkent. if you want to be on destination number 1 you must take Tashkent train with Lakamativ in front. We are ready to face Pakhtator!
Only one last question remain answering for Direktar Sport, Bernd W.: "I know what is a 'Lakamativ'. I know what is a 'Traktor'. But: what the hell is a 'Pakhtator'? Can I drive it? Can I ride it? Can I fuck it?"
i don't know. |
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18.05.2012 08:45 -
Bernd W. -
Lokomotiv Tashkent
(0.3 TK)
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It's the Prafessional Futbol Ligasi, Stupid...
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Bernd W. has fallen in love. He spending lot of time in Tashkent Bar working on best strategy for winning football game of Lakamativ Tashkent. Miss Oksana and Miss Elvijra always helping Mister Bernd, who is Direktar Sport of Lokomotiv Tashkent.
But last night incredible things happen in Tashkent Bar. Mister W. just finish making best tactics for next ZAT with Miss Elvijra and Miss Oksana. Mister W. happy with tactics ordering |
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next round of Vodka and all of a sudden Miss Elvijra's face appear very close to Mister W. face. Mister W. who is a bit shy saying "tri Vodka, baschalasta..." as suddenly he give kiss to Miss Elvijra. Miss Elvijra look strange and immediately slap into face of Direktar Sport. Then she leaving Tashkent Bar in great scenery.
Miss Oksana look at Mister W. and saying :"I think she love you, too, Cherr Direktar..." |
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11.05.2012 15:06 -
Bernd W. -
Lokomotiv Tashkent
(0.3 TK)
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Please seriously now, Mr. Bernd
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Mr. W. still drunk from success from last season what present international tournament to Lakamativ...
Inside Lakamativ Apparat not very well seen that Mr. W. is chappy. Lakamativ Apparat does not know Chappyness. Does not know Joy. Does not know Beauty in Game. Lakamativ Apparat only know Disziplin and Success. Disziplin and Success is what maka Lakamativ survive in Soviet Time. Disziplin and Success is what make Lakamativ survive in Tashkent with two other klub. Lakamativ Apparatschik want to make western Banause, what is Mr. W., understand rule of Lakamativ, what is rule of Tashkent, what is rule of Prafessional Futbal Ligasi, what is Rule of Uzbekistan.
Mr. W. still drunk from success from last season what present international tournament to Lakamativ... |
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04.05.2012 15:29 -
Bernd W. -
Lokomotiv Tashkent
(0.3 TK)
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Juli 26 
Bernd W. 
